Adele Barlow’s latest book, Long May You Run, explores issues connected to growing up as a Third Culture Kid

What’s the book about? 

Long May You Run is a collection of essays exploring everything an international childhood brings. It is based on my own experience of growing up as a Third Culture Kid (TCK) and explores questions and issues unique to children growing up away from their parents’ home country, as well as the difficulties of ‘homecoming’. 

Who’s the book for? 

The book is for anyone who can relate to the following sentiment: you feel at home everywhere (on good days) and nowhere (on bad days). You feel connected to an international identity instead of a national one. You have friends from too many different countries to count (you’ve never even tried counting). When asked where you’re from, you have multiple potential answers, depending on how much you feel like engaging with whoever’s asking.

Where are you from?

I’m an Adult Third Culture Kid. I was born in Hong Kong to a Malaysian mother and New Zealand father, I spent my childhood between Hong Kong, Malaysia and New Zealand. After going to university in Australia, I decided to move back to my passport country of New Zealand. Now I live in London, but I also spend time in Hong Kong.

What exactly is a ‘Third Culture Kid’? 

I like this definition from Dr. Ruth Useem and David Pollock’s book, Third Culture Kids: “A third-culture kid is an individual who, having spent a significant part of their developmental years in a culture other than their parents’ home culture, develops a sense of relationship to all of the cultures, while not having full ownership in any. Elements from each culture are incorporated into the life experience, but the sense of belonging is in relationship to others of similar experience.”

What are the advantages and disadvantages of being a TCK? 

Like many things in life I think the best thing IS the worst thing which is that you’re from everywhere and nowhere. That means your friends and loved ones are all around the world. It can be the best! Lots of international travel and fun. It can also be the worst. Missing big days like birthdays and not being able to meet friends’ babies is hard. It can also be challenging to develop a sense of belonging, commitment, and attachment to a culture; being culturally rootless and therefore restless; not fitting in with local peers; being out of sync with those around you. 

Is there much literature about Third Culture Kids? 

There are a lot of academic books and also a lot of memoirs. But I think there’s something missing when it comes to romantic attachment and commitment phobia. I wrote Long May You Run as I wanted something that felt like a diary, alongside references to TCK studies and research which I found illuminating and thought others might too. 

What’s the ‘both/and’ mentality?

The TCK lifestyle is about coming to terms with the concept of “both” as opposed to “either/or” – “either/or” will drive you crazy; “both” will make you grateful. It took me a while to realise I was not from Hong Kong or New Zealand. I was not fully Malaysian or Kiwi. I am from both Hong Kong and New Zealand.

How has growing up as a Third Culture Kid shaped your mentality?

My upbringing has helped me realise that the world is a massive place – no matter how big a deal you are in your corner of the world, in the grand scheme of things we are all tiny grains of sand. And that can be depressing or uplifting depending on how you look at it. 

Any negative impact on mental health? 

I found goodbyes really tough. I still do. I also struggled a lot with the fact that on the surface I was often told how ‘lucky’ I was to be a TCK and a lot of the time, I just really missed my friends in other countries. I started seeing a therapist and realised that I was carrying a lot of TCK grief. It was one of the best things I ever did and that’s why I decided to write a book exploring the difference it made to my life.

Any advice for other Third Culture Kids? 

Often it can be tempting to fixate on the past hoping that it will point us to answers for the future – but so much will always remain unwritten, no matter how well you analyse the past. Often as TCKs we search for the answers to where we come from in the hope that it will give us direction or a sense of emotional gravity. For me, I found that embracing an international identity brought me a lot of peace. Yes, I have a weird accent; yes, I’m still not fully sure where exactly I ‘come from’ but it’s okay. 

What are you currently doing?

I run Copy & Co, a boutique content studio for startups, investors and agencies in London, New York and Asia – I started it a couple of years ago so it’s still a relatively new business. The upsides are that it’s profitable and comes with a lot of freedom and the downsides are that it can be a bit lonely and hard to know where to focus. I also write books – Long May You Run is my seventh book.

What’s next?

Although my main focus is growing Copy & Co, I’m also about to start working on the audiobook for Long May You Run, and have another non-fiction book in the works. I’m hoping to sign a book deal with a traditional publisher. So far I’ve taken the indie author route but being a hybrid author – one who publishes through both traditional and indie channels – has always appealed to me.

Where can we get the book? 

For those in Hong Kong, the book will soon be available in Bookazine. Long May You Run by Adele Barlow is also available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle, with the audiobook coming soon.